Addiction

I read this beautiful essay by Russell Brand today and it seems to have, for want of a better expression, knocked me on the head. I feel like i have a whole new understanding of myself. I’ve stayed away from drugs in my adult life because I was so scared of addiction or the beginnings of addiction in my teen years. And I have realized I do have the personality of an addict. I am addicted to food. The way Russell writes about not taking drugs today is how I feel about not bingeing. Not eating 200gm bag of smiths plain salted crisps. Not going to the supermarket and getting a round of Brie, two cabonosi and a box of Jatz to consume on my own. Sticking to a portion size.

It’s a different kind of addiction, sure. It’s a functional addiction, something Caitlin Moran has written about. You can do your job and care for those around you, when you’re addicted to food. I’m not selfish! I’m not the arsehole Brand describes in his essay… Except I am. My addiction is completely visible and society hates and judges me for it. But it’s something I battle every single day.

I guess this is why so many diets fail.

I need to think about this more.

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